GRIEVING AFTER LOSS, WHAT THEN?

LOST?

"You sit down to watch the television, and ten minutes later you realise that you have no idea of what you have been watching, you turn off the television and do what you seem to be doing so often, roam around the house, going from room to room, you will never admit to your self that you are hoping to see someone sitting there".  


BEREAVEMENT. GRIEVING or MOURNING the LOSS of a LOVED ONE. DEPRESSION from GRIEVING. How long should we grieve? Will we cope with GRIEF? How do we cope with GRIEF?.

IS THERE AN ANSWER TO THESE QUESTIONS?

 "After Loss"  is a place to visit for those recently bereaved and a place for friends and family to read and help to understand the pain and actions of the bereaved person.

There is no one answer. We are all different. We all manage our loss differently.

You are probably now feeling the same way as I did just a short time ago, lost in a world that is alien to the world that you once knew, you are now, because of your grief, a person that you do not recognise as yourself. 

 If you spend a few minutes reading "My Story" (click on link at top of this page ) you will notice  a lot of similarities to the way that you are feeling now. Losing someone is not easy, I know because I experienced it after 40

HELP  TO UNDERSTAND  YOUR PAIN AND GRIEF AFTER THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE.

Unfortunately we do not talk about death until we have to face up to it, but I believe that we should, it is inevitable that one of each loving couple will die and leave the other behind, it would help to ease the pain of the grieving period.


Bereavement will put you in a place that is alien to your normal life, you will query

your thoughts, feelings and actions, this website may help you to know that it is normal.

Sharing this website with your partner will introduce the subject of death and allow you to talk together about your feelings and wishes for when that parting happens.

REGRETS.

The lyric of a popular song read, "Regret's, I've had a few, but, then again, too few to mention", that is about right for most folk, none of us can go through a life without a few regrets. Of course, the song title is "My Way", and we all do things, "our way", and in a loving relationship we understand that our partner has His/Her way, and we learn to do it "our way, together".
The lesson here is to those that are still in that loving relationship and by giving a little thought to the things that you do and say now matter a great deal.  Don't leave anything that you wish to say go unsaid because one day, for one of you, it will be too late to have regrets.

 If that "regret" is after the loss of a loved one, I can tell you, it's normal and you are normal to have these thoughts. After the loss of a loved one you will probably find that you are having regrets more often, the truth is that you probably do not have as much, if anything, to regret as you think that you do.

 Bereavement and grieving put us in a place where the mind magnifies our thoughts, enlarges that that was probably minor at the time, and that is only if the "regret" that you are considering is one that your lost loved one remarked upon at that time. He/She is no longer here to ask.

Yes, there probably was something that you meant to say at the time, something that you didn't say and, in your mind, probably should have.  Something you wish that you had done, or hadn't done, the list is endless and obvious to you now. I'm sorry, it's too late.

But, give your "regret" a bit more thought. You, possibly knew that loved one better than anyone else in the world and He/She likewise, knew you. You had fallen in love, made a life together, understood each other, shared, and probably had the odd disagreement, the two of you were as one. I feel certain that had anything occurred that you may now be feeling you regret, He/She would have made that clear at the time, so, Why have that regret now?

 

Bereavement, loss, death, grieving, memorials, angel letters, poems,

depression after grieving, grief, guilt. 

 After Loss maybe the place that can help you through this painful period that follows the loss of a loved one.


THIS WEBSITE IS NON-COMMERCIAL AND FREE TO ALL VISITORS.  AN ADVANCE KNOWLEDGE OF THE EFFECTS OF THE GRIEVING PERIOD CAN HELP IN MAKING THAT PERIOD AFTER THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE EASIER TO UNDERSTAND. THIS WEBSITE CAN BE USED AS AN INTRODUCTION TO TALKING ABOUT AND UNDERSTANDING  DEATH BETWEEN LOVING COUPLES IN THE CERTAIN KNOWLEDGE THAT DEATH IS INEVITABLE FOR ALL OF US. 

PLEASE USE THE E-MAIL LINK BELOW TO YOUR FRIENDS ON TWITTER AND YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS BOOK.

 Your loved one is still with you, not in a form that you will recognise, but within your memory, you will never forget. That memory of all the love that  he/she gave to you, all the things that they did for you, the things that you shared together, the good times and the bad times, those memories will remain.

 GUILT?

"One of your symptoms is probably feelings of guilt. Yet another symptom that comes with bereavment. You are almost certainly, guilty of nothing. That does not stop the feeling, Did I do the right things? Could I have done more? Did I say the right things? Why wasn't it me?" 

 

GRIEF.

It is the most natural thing in the world to grieve over your loss, but, you are still alive and life must be lived. Of course your life has changed, of course everything will now be different, how could it not be.

Your loved one is still with you, not in a form that you will recognise, but within your memory, you will never forget. That memory of all the love that  he/she gave to you, all the things that they did for you, the things that you shared together, the good times and the bad times, those memories will remain until the day that you die, as inevitably, we all must, and, possibly, leave behind someone that is grieving for our passing. 

 

The author of this non-commercial website is Trevor Downer.
After Loss is a personal view and hopes to be able to give some help to all that visit the website.
Trevor is available via E-Mail to anyone, please click on the link below.
At the end of our life's road there may be a road that lies around the bend.

There is no secret to the answer of losing someone, the problem is that the answer is the secret. And the answer is only secret, because we have never needed to ask the question up until now. The loss of a loved one, even if you knew it was coming, causes grief and pain, and there is no answer to the feelings that you have, you must, and you will want to, live with these for a while, and the grief and feelings fade into the back of your mind.

It is at this point when the feelings that you now have are starting. Many, many little things, that without you realising, are building up within yourself. 

Feelings of guilt and your probably have nothing to be guilty about. Feelings of blame, and you probably have nothing to blame yourself for, and believe me, we all have these feelings. Then there are words, words that you wish that you had said, words that you wish that you had not said, things that you wish you had and had not done. Each of these things are 'nagging' away at you. If that is how you are feeling,  maybe, and I hope so, "After Loss" may help you.. 

For those that truly believe in the after life, perhaps they get their peace of mind, I sincerely hope so.
But what about the rest of us. If you read my story you may feel as I did, family, friends and even acquaintances said "I'm here if you want to talk". I am sure that they meant what they were saying, but I could not do it, maybe they were the wrong people to talk to, maybe it has to be someone that starts off as a stranger, maybe it has to be someone that is, or has been, through the same emotions. Please use the pages of this website to write an Angel letter or post on the Forum, you can also contact the author via the email link to place a memorium. No email addresses will ever be held or used.

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QUICK LINKS TO OTHER PAGES.

To FORUM. Click Here.

To MY STORY. Click Here.

To POEMS. Click Here.

About DEPRESSION. Click Here.

To BLOG. Click Here.

An ANSWER? Click Here.

ANGEL LETTERS. Click Here

LOVING COUPLES. NEW PAGE. Click Here

The books shown below are available direct by post from Blurb at cost price. There are three examples ranging from FREE "E" book, download to Ipad from £3 and soft cover books at cost. Some examples from the books are shown.

The "Handy Guide" (  above ) that will help you to be prepared for grieving is available as an ebook,  iBook for iPad format at the cost of  £3.00

Please click on link to see free pages.

 http://store.blurb.co.uk/ebooks/457520-be-prepared-for-grieving-a-handy-guide

                                 

The content of this website is a personal view by the author of the website and I have no professional training as a counsellor trained to give guidance on personal problems.  It is my personal belief that this website can help those that visit the website in understanding that they are not alone in  handling the symptoms that cause the worry during the period following bereavement.
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